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What Are You “Weighting” For?

What Are You Weighting For?by Linda Gabriel

Are you playing the weighting game?

In my own life I’ve noticed a very clear pattern: Whenever I’ve felt stuck because of resistance, inertia, or fear, I tend to put on weight.

It doesn’t matter if it’s to do with work, a relationship or just feeling like my comfort zone has turned into a rut. Typically, the first thing I do is wait passively in the hopes that something will magically change. It usually doesn’t. And the perverse thing is, part of me – a big part – wants things to stay the same. It’s like trying to wake up from an afternoon nap on a muggy summer day. You know you’ll feel better if you just get up, but it just seems like too much work. Truth is, the longer you snooze, the worse you’ll feel later.

Whenever I finally moved forward, whether I chose to or was forced to, I’d often lose the extra weight almost automatically. Why? Because when my life moved forward, my energy began to flow more freely and my body reflected this by losing weight. For me this has been true whether the change was pleasant or not, so I can’t attribute the weight loss to stress. (In fact, research shows that increased stress hormones such as cortisol actually cause weight gain.)

What are you ‘weighting’ for?

Noticing this personal pattern led me to ask my overweight clients, “What are you ‘weighting’ for?” The interesting thing is, upon reflection, they almost always knew; it became obvious where they had been playing the ‘weighting game’ in their lives. Sometimes it was a dead-end job or a relationship they had outgrown. Perhaps they were resisting moving forward for some reason such as “empty nest syndrome” or they had simply lost their passion in life. When we looked deeper we found that “weighting” was almost always a matter of being stuck in the past.

“Reality is always the story of a past, and what I love about the past is – it’s over.” ~ Byron Katie

“Your biography becomes your biology.”

Medical intuitive Caroline Myss teaches that “your biography becomes your biology.” In other words, the way you live, including the thoughts you think and the emotions you experience will eventually affect your cell tissue in some way. Dwelling on the past, especially past resentment, guilt, or regret is unhealthy emotionally; it also affects your physical health. Caroline insists if you want to experience more vitality and health in your present, it’s imperative to heal and release your past.

Put the past behind you.

As a medical intuitive and an expert on human energy, Caroline says that in order for your physical body to heal from an illness, you need at least 80% of your energy focused in the present rather than in the past or the future. Therefore she’s adamant about the need to heal our past emotional wounds. Unfortunately many people are reluctant to do so. We cling to our hurts and resentments because we often have become identified with them.  We don’t know who we would be without our “story.” The payoff? Our past dramas make us feel important.

“Misery loves company.”

To make matters worse, we’ve learned to connect with one another through our shared woes. Caroline calls this “woundology.” You’re probably familiar with the old saying, “Misery loves company.” It’s surprising how many people harbor a fear that if they are healthy and happy, they will be alone. While It’s good for friends to comfort each other through difficult times, if our friendships are based primarily on shared problems, we may subconsciously resist letting those problems go.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t seek support for emotional healing.  Emotional wounds, like physical wounds, need some time and attention to heal.  And if you are recovering  from serious emotional trauma such as rape, warfare, or childhood abuse, I strongly suggest you seek  qualified professional counseling. However if your problems that are keeping you stuck are the “garden variety” it’s high time to free up your energy by releasing the past and moving on with your life.

Forgiveness is often the first step

Moving on often means forgiving someone.  I want to clear up some misconceptions about forgiveness:

  • Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened.
  • Forgiveness is not saying what happened is okay.
  • Forgiveness does not mean you need to contact the person who hurt you.

Forgiveness is something you do privately, for yourself. Forgiveness is actually an intention to let the past return to the past.  It’s a decision to step forward without bringing along all those burdens from the past.

In terms of energy, forgiveness simply means you are ready to reclaim all the energy you’ve been squandering on past hurts. You need your energy for power and vitality. Forgiveness is often the first step in the process of reclaiming power over your life. When you forgive, you are no longer waiting for someone or something to change in order to make you happy. This frees up your energy for you to use in much more positive ways.

Be sure to forgive yourself.

Are you weighting to forgive yourself? Are you weighting for someone else to forgive you? If that’s the case, ask yourself if there is something you can do to make amends. (For serious issues, seek professional counseling or the support of a 12-step group.) If the person still refuses to forgive you, forgive them.  Then forgive yourself and move on. There is no point in staying stuck. Do whatever you need to do to build a bridge back to your own self-esteem. Remorse and regret are poisonous to the soul. Take the first step by forgiving yourself. Then heal your life by doing your best to take good care of yourself and the people you love.

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